Saturday, 10 November 2007

From a distance, A heart breaks.

I found this short story in my diary archives. It was written under the influence of my own relationship break-up. It's been tweaked and crafted to make it BLOG SAFE.. Not all events are true but all the feelings i have felt.

She watched quietly as her friend received a new text message; reading and laughing.
She knew who it was from. It was from him.

In fact at first glance, From a distance it seemed like an image of a girl who was happy because her friend was getting along
so well with her man.
In actual fact, it was far more complicated than that.
She felt undermined by her friend's personality: bright, beautiful and bubbly. She was one of those girls
who got what they wanted all the time.
And it was no question that she wanted her friend's man.

"Are you really okay with Susie spending the
Bonfire night with your boyfriend?"
The girl looked up and stopped doodling hiding her shocked face with a gracious smile which replied that she didn't mind.

But she did.

So, she put on a brave smile and gave her surprised friend and shocked boyfriend her blessing to allow them to spend the day together. Unaware it was just the two of them.

She thought "they're just friends."

Bonfire Night

She watched the exploding fireworks from the windows of her workplace. She used to love fireworks.

But today her heart couldn't see the happiness of them, all she felt was her heart sinking like a stone. Thinking of the chemistry that will could happen.

She sighed and continued serving customers with a fake smile that could have fooled anybody. Though, she couldn't help wondering why she did not throw a temper. She had said yes because there was nothing she could have said. She didn't want to say no because she hoped, just that tiny ounce of hope that their chemistry was merely just friendly banter. Lastly, she didn't want to say no because she didn't want to be the bitch and lose him faster. Even if he didn't deserve her.

In the end, she accepted and stood back on the sidelines of this love game and watch the painful events unfold in silence.

From that day onwards. She had given up on the relationship.

She silently listened ,with a smile, to her Boyfriend's constant praising about her friend acquaintance. And also her friend acquaintance's constant conversations about him. Whilst internally, all through these conversations, her glass heart had shattered into a million pieces.

She bottled up all her feelings, completely and utterly became withdrawn. Yet at school and with him, she put up a friendly face.

She stopped calling him
She stopped having meaningful conversations with him
she stopped being herself.

Yet she still loved cared for him.

So the next few weeks, she endured those two lovebirds openly court each other, feeling like she didn't belong.

Her heart couldn't take it anymore.

"Let's break up" he said
"so, this is goodbye" She answered trying to hide those hot tears from falling.
"we'll still be friends." he consoled in a patronising way
"of course" A robotic voice sounded out from her own larynx

They shared an amicable last hug. And he turned to walk away.

On that windy orange gold autumn day, she watched him walk away allowing him to think that she was alright with the end of a relationship and friendship.

When deep inside, her heart had died.

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