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Tuesday, 13 January 2009

RANTRANTRANT


I'm Yours~ Jason Mraz

Alas, today's post is not going to be the happiest post I've posted. Instead its the lowest I've felt in a long time. I have no idea whether it's to do with being hungry, PMS, prolonged contact or just my bitchy side making a much needed comeback.

Firstly, Let's get it straight that I really don't do things to harm people in anyway, or if I do harm you when I'm in a very angry mood, it's not me. Basically, I'm the type of person that bottles all my anger up and then, when people push and push/irritate and irritate me. I snap. It's not the nicest trait, actually my Mother said it's a very ugly trait and makes a person look ugly, e.g: me. I meant in the personality way. I have to admit, it certainly does. But anger is like alcohol for me, in the after effects, I don't realise what I do when I see red/anger, I just do my own thing, release all that emotion leaving a trail of destruction, much like a tornado. When I do look back, it's a massive blur.

Well, to make things shorter, The volcano exploded today. Yup, in front of 4 sets of customers. I'm not going to excuse my behavior, because throwing a princess tantrum on the basis of PMS, is unprofessional. But, I did it nonetheless, and here I am trying to make myself feel better by analysing my anger. Selfish isn't it? But the majority of everything we do is for ourselves, so don't preach to me about selfishness.

the situation happened like this: A set of customers wanted to pay the bill, didn't think to show me their student discount cards earlier, and then when i was putting the orders to print for the bill on the computer, my aunt kept faffing around behind me telling me to hurry up. and then tells me that they have student cards after 2 bills [5 bills to do in total] and so i got a little pissy, and then she kept pushing me to get the orders done faster. FAIL. I got confused and screwed the bills up. WOW. GREAT WORK AUNTIE! [I don't have any patience for her either, I wasn't too impressed with her for the last half of the year anyways, she basically calls me fat to make herself look good- yes, she's thinner than me, but calling me fat is NOT going to achieve anything] so put this on top of hunger, PMS and confusion. Bubble bubble toil and trouble. AND BAMM I lost it.

sometimes, I think i'm really TOO rebellious, even at the age of 18. Why is that? Like the sad person I am, I try to cover that up with quotes such as:

Disobedience, in the eyes of anyone who has read history, is man's original virtue. It is through disobedience and rebellion that progress has been made.
~ Oscar Wilde

....So it hasn't been the greatest day unfortunately.

0 Golden Nuggets: