Wednesday, 22 December 2010

The Dating Scene of a 20YO BBC.

Taken from my personal blog.

And the word 'non existent' pretty much sums it up.

So this post isn't about Real Life, well kind of, but in terms of events, everything I will say is hypothetical.

So the past few weeks, the love life conversations have cropped up in conversation, most recently with my mother. I don't know about you but any conversation with your mother about love life and the dating scene is pretty daunting, even if you're 40 years old. (Although, if you're 40 and single, I can see why that conversation is a pretty big thing.) But cut that down to half and most people would say that your twenties is pretty much the beginning of the dating scene and most people had a string of relationships and flings by the time they're twenty-two. Not if you're me, 5ft chinese girl who is pretty socially awkward. I'm even shit at romantic scenes, I break the ice with a really unfunny joke/statement. This is pretty much what I do when I meet guys who are there and could be interested in me, I nanny them. I really do, I think this is just a defense mechanism and also a habit I'm used to because I've grown up with two brothers and two male cousins and also being the oldest child. I've ACTUALLY gone up to some guys who were there to 'pull up your trousers, dear.' Yeah, Shameful, I know. But the look on their faces are priceless.

Anyways, so my point is, to begin the dating scene is just as scary as being actually IN the dating scene, if not a little scarier. Especially if you're a BBC with a relatively strict chinese family that never really approved of dating up until you were 19. It was about study then-Now, you're chucked into conversations that would've ended like world war three, three years ago. Instead you get the 'well, are you dating? Why not? have you seen any potential guys? Balance, you can't spend all your time working!' Totally messes with your head or mine at least because I've finally got into the swing of studying and I'm enjoying myself in my studies. (Super Geek!)

So going back to the conversations I've had with my mother and close friends. Apparently, the reason I'm not attractive (NB: I don't mean visually- although that could be why...I meant the 'forces' of attraction-I'm not a scifi geek either...) to other guys is because I can give off the fact that I'm 'self assured.' (or 'selfish 21st century generations woman' Take your pick) (NB2: Also in these conversations, my family & friends are specifically talking about east asian guys) Apparently, EA Guys have this thing where they want to be able to 'look after and be able to take care of her' That's their main primitive thought. Pretty simplistic, can't blame them. But REALLY? All I'm hearing is 'I don't want a girl to get on with her life without a care in world after our relationship ends-hypothetically' Isn't that just in a twisted roundabout way of saying that they want to leave a girl broken hearted for a REALLY long time? They want a girl who will depend on them and thus their impact will make a indelible mark on ours.

This is makes me have no faith in the dating scene. Personally, I don't think I can be less self assured, I can be less confident, but less self assured in where I'm going, I don't think so. I don't think I can be less upfront about my strong personality because I'm so used to being relied on, I've waitressed since I was 14, I finally been able to find an academic niche that I can actually get through, I've got some amazing job opportunities in the past. It's weird that to get the guys, according to my mother and my friends, you have to show vulnerability. I get that, but I've worked so hard to get to where I am, I can't afford to show vulnerability. Not even for the dating scene that I'm set to enter. Or am I just confusing vulnerability with femininity, or am I just pointing out the old age adage that is sexism?

I know love and work need to be balanced but the fact that someone has to change and usually the woman has to is seriously sexist, does this mean all relationships must be based on a thin line of truth and false? Is that just Asian guys? I know I'm generalising here, but every generalisation also have a pinch of truth in them.

I know it's not important to have a boyfriend, especially if you DON'T WANT one. (I'm not looking either-although I know I should be open if the right one comes along) But I'm just voicing my thoughts on it in general.

6 Golden Nuggets:

Jian said...

Really? That's the first time I've ever heard that a girl should be less self-confident and assured in order to get a guy! I'm a 22 YO BBC and my parents always taught me the other way round - that unless I love myself and can get it together, no one else can love me! So I've always acted the way I see fit, and I've had no problems with Chinese guys, so don't worry!

Whats the point in pretending to be something that you're not anyway? If you were to hypothetically pretend to be all meek and timid like a lovely little Chinese girl, I'm sure you couldn't keep that up for the rest of your life (well,I'm sure I couldn't!) It would all be false pretences! I am 100% positive there is at least one perfect guy out there who is willing to take you for who you really are.

I wish you the best of luck with your dating endeavours! I hope your family doesn't give you too much pressure.

Yin said...

Nope they haven't told me to act all meek and timid, just to tone down the 'i've done alot in my life, what can you offer me stuff' (LOL. I'm just a budding business lady at heart...)

Thanks for your comment! x

나니 said...

You shouldn't change at all! I love your edgy personality that makes you not take shit from nobody.. It makes you you, that you have your cranky days where everybody needs a smack to the face. If a guy can't see your values as YOU.. then hell, he doesn't deserve you when you're at your best and most gentle ; D

And seriously.. if girls/women feel the need to put their career aside for a man - then she's dumb. Sorry to say. If you feel like you have to give your 'life' and 'dreams' up as a woman, to get the man of your dreams.. Then sorry to break it to you, baby boo, but he may not exactly be 'the one'.

Love the entry : D Your humor is awesome. XD haha

With Love, Elle said...

u're so young, u can always try out new personalities and characteristics (eg playing the cute n meek or strong n smart hehe or both at the same time)..along the way u will tune up to what u like to be (belif me, we change all the time!) when i met my hubby at 22 (of coz we dont know we'll get hitch later in life), we both were loudmouth, rude, arrogant..but 8 years now, we've mellow down does that i guess hehe

so be whoever u want to be, and change will come naturally and when u do realise u have changed, as long as u are still happy, nothing wrong with thyself!

xoxo elle

Jennifer said...

Hi Yin :) hope you've had a wonderful Xmas and happy new year to you <3!

Anonymous said...

In the western society, guys are usually attracted to confident girls... but i think in chinese society they love the sweet. innocent and girly types - which i find rather annoying.

stay true to yourself, who ever you find will like you the person you are! a nice, insightful post.

happy new year Yinnie! shame we couldnt meet up in london. have a nice bloggers meet up on 7th!