Taken from my personal blog.
And the word 'non existent' pretty much sums it up.
So this post isn't about Real Life, well kind of, but in terms of events, everything I will say is hypothetical.
So the past few weeks, the love life conversations have cropped up in conversation, most recently with my mother. I don't know about you but any conversation with your mother about love life and the dating scene is pretty daunting, even if you're 40 years old. (Although, if you're 40 and single, I can see why that conversation is a pretty big thing.) But cut that down to half and most people would say that your twenties is pretty much the beginning of the dating scene and most people had a string of relationships and flings by the time they're twenty-two. Not if you're me, 5ft chinese girl who is pretty socially awkward. I'm even shit at romantic scenes, I break the ice with a really unfunny joke/statement. This is pretty much what I do when I meet guys who are there and could be interested in me, I nanny them. I really do, I think this is just a defense mechanism and also a habit I'm used to because I've grown up with two brothers and two male cousins and also being the oldest child. I've ACTUALLY gone up to some guys who were there to 'pull up your trousers, dear.' Yeah, Shameful, I know. But the look on their faces are priceless.
Anyways, so my point is, to begin the dating scene is just as scary as being actually IN the dating scene, if not a little scarier. Especially if you're a BBC with a relatively strict chinese family that never really approved of dating up until you were 19. It was about study then-Now, you're chucked into conversations that would've ended like world war three, three years ago. Instead you get the 'well, are you dating? Why not? have you seen any potential guys? Balance, you can't spend all your time working!' Totally messes with your head or mine at least because I've finally got into the swing of studying and I'm enjoying myself in my studies. (Super Geek!)
So going back to the conversations I've had with my mother and close friends. Apparently, the reason I'm not attractive (NB: I don't mean visually- although that could be why...I meant the 'forces' of attraction-I'm not a scifi geek either...) to other guys is because I can give off the fact that I'm 'self assured.' (or 'selfish 21st century generations woman' Take your pick) (NB2: Also in these conversations, my family & friends are specifically talking about east asian guys) Apparently, EA Guys have this thing where they want to be able to 'look after and be able to take care of her' That's their main primitive thought. Pretty simplistic, can't blame them. But REALLY? All I'm hearing is 'I don't want a girl to get on with her life without a care in world after our relationship ends-hypothetically' Isn't that just in a twisted roundabout way of saying that they want to leave a girl broken hearted for a REALLY long time? They want a girl who will depend on them and thus their impact will make a indelible mark on ours.
This is makes me have no faith in the dating scene. Personally, I don't think I can be less self assured, I can be less confident, but less self assured in where I'm going, I don't think so. I don't think I can be less upfront about my strong personality because I'm so used to being relied on, I've waitressed since I was 14, I finally been able to find an academic niche that I can actually get through, I've got some amazing job opportunities in the past. It's weird that to get the guys, according to my mother and my friends, you have to show vulnerability. I get that, but I've worked so hard to get to where I am, I can't afford to show vulnerability. Not even for the dating scene that I'm set to enter. Or am I just confusing vulnerability with femininity, or am I just pointing out the old age adage that is sexism?
I know love and work need to be balanced but the fact that someone has to change and usually the woman has to is seriously sexist, does this mean all relationships must be based on a thin line of truth and false? Is that just Asian guys? I know I'm generalising here, but every generalisation also have a pinch of truth in them.
I know it's not important to have a boyfriend, especially if you DON'T WANT one. (I'm not looking either-although I know I should be open if the right one comes along) But I'm just voicing my thoughts on it in general.
Wednesday, 22 December 2010
Taken from my personal blog.
Posted by Yin at 00:30